Day 36

Juls won 2nd place at the Bulldog Races this year. We are very proud of her. Last year Felix had to work and was not able to see the race. This year he was there cheering her on. Felix is taking such good care of us. I love him more than I ever have.

Sometimes I want to be left alone to be sad and cry when I know the rest of the world is still hustling and bustling. I feel the need to be still and not move. Sometimes I feel the reality of the nightmare is still sinking in.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I am missing Zavi more than ever. I still feel that I am moving way too slow to keep up with the world around me. My thoughts are scattered and I don't feel 'together'. I don't feel quite capable.  I'm slowly beginning to realize that there will always be days on the calendar that will be harder than all the rest. As the days go by, there has not been one moment that I don't feel that constant ache in my heart. There is always the feeling that something is missing.

A friend sent me the poem that follows. I thank God that my son and I are forever connected.

The Cord

We are connected,
My child and I, by
An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't been seen
By any on Earth.

This cord does it's work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.

I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.

The strength of this cord
Is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed
It can't be denied.

It's stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.

And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart
I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.

I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take it away!

Author Unknown