Thanks to the encouragement of a few really good people, Felix and I went to a concert at a small coffee shop. We have had these tickets for quite a while. Originally, Aunt Lanie was going to watch the kids. She watched only Juliana.
My confession: For 3 hours I welcomed Denial and allowed myself to pretend that this nightmare never happened. I tried to lose myself in noise and music. I tried to hide from my life. The evening was not without saddness, but we smiled, relaxed a little and even laughed.
Paul Thorn sang a song in which the lyric "You are the brightest star in my sky" seemed to speak to me. My Zavi will always be shining brightly in my sky.
The moment we walked out of the coffee shop into the dark, rainy night my heart sank. It all came back to me as we drove away, drove back into the ridiculously unfortunate reality of our little world.
The point is we smiled and even laughed. Together.
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This blog will chronicle my first year without my son. We had him with us for just a short while. I'm creating this blog with a heavy heart and I'm hoping by the end of this first year I will have a little peace.
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