As the days continue to pass, I feel my son's presence ever so present. Just as real as is his absence. I can't yet begin to explain the changes in me. I struggle with happiness while muddling my way through the never ending saddness. Once so happy to hang out at home, we find ourselves trying to fill our time with activities, things to do, places to go. It's our desperate attempt to numb our pain. It sucks when your house, your home, no longer feels like home. I can't help but wonder if this is part of the new reality of our lives. Maybe true happiness, that feeling of peaceful contentment, is no longer attainable for me. Maybe that is ok.
As I type, I hear a lyric that says "No other love, Momma I'm flying, I can go, I can go anywhere. No other love can take me there."
As I pause to listen, I think "That's my boy". And suddenly I am so grateful that above all else I continue to feel his love and was blessed with the privelege of experiencing his awesome little self in my little part of the world.
The roller coaster of our lives continues.
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This blog will chronicle my first year without my son. We had him with us for just a short while. I'm creating this blog with a heavy heart and I'm hoping by the end of this first year I will have a little peace.
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