Day 250

Happy First Birthday to my Zavier. I hope there are birthday parties in Heaven. I will love my boy as long as forever.  

I think this has been the longest I've gone without posting since I started this blog. I've just been so mixed up.

Zavier turns 1 yr old today. He is celebrating in Heaven with other angel babies. That doesn't stop me from  wishing he was here with us. This morning I went to Zavier's room and I was so sure his lamp would be on and it was. I know in my heart he is never far. Still, it is not the same.

I know we are blessed that God chose us for his parents. God chose us to be his family. It just still hurts so bad to wake up and realize he is not in his room. I wish I'd taken him outside more. I wish I'd looked at his little bare feet just a bit longer.

I know we should celebrate his life; the simple fact that he was here. He left his little footprint forever in my heart and always in our lives. I'm just so sad. I can be grateful. I can thank the Lord for giving him to us. But I just don't have it in me to celebrate just yet.