Sunday, December 12, 2010

Day 338

To be busy or not to be...

These past few weeks have been a struggle to say the least. I've been torn between trying to stay busy and trying to be still. As silly as it sounds, the easy way out for me is to stay ridiculously busy. Even as I run around with a million things to do it remains difficult to quiet the thoughts running through my mind.

There's a song that says "I don't even want to be right now" and I totally get it. I can stay busy and keep the thoughts, the darkness and the tears safely tucked away just below the surface but I can't outrun it. I am no match for the grief that threatens to swallow me whole.

I may not be in the mood for it but I am not afraid of it. In my heart, I know I need to be still. I need to let it wash over me again and again and again. Until one day maybe it won't.

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