I realize it must be difficult to understand why with such an awesome family and great friends we need to be alone this holiday season. It is for us but it is also for them. I'm not sure I can explain it but I'll try.
Last Christmas we bought gifts for our kids. This year we bought gifts for Juls and are taking gifts for Zavi to the cemetery. That does something to a person. It breaks a person, somehow. It takes a whole lot of effort to put on a happy face to not make our family sad. We don't want to ruin the festivities and don't expect anyone to be sad with us. We'd like our families to be happy and celebrate with their kids without our sadness to bring them down.
I think we have to feel how we feel now so that maybe next year it won't be as bad. Last year we celebrated with our daughter and our son. One Christmas with him is not enough. We are getting better,I think. But, it's so hard and it hurts and right now we are missing our son and are sad that he is not here to open presents with his big sister.
January 8, 2 short weeks from today, marks the one year anniversary of Zavier's departure and I can't find a celebration in my heart just yet.
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I get it and I care. I just hope you know I am here holding your hand these days and everyday. You are doing this your way and that is how it needs to be done. I know your sweet boy is proud of you.
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