Wow. It still takes my breath away everytime I realize that this is real. I still feel that choking, stabbing pain in my chest when I have to say "My son died." Some days I know that we will be ok. Other days, I just can't see how. I have lived 100 days without my son. I have cried so many tears that I can't help but wonder how there are any left. Some days I am convinced the sun will shine again and other days that same sun seems light years away. Some days I am right back in that hospital room, holding my tiny baby boy, begging him to just breathe, begging God to give him life. So many images that are burned into my soul, etched forever into my memory.
It is unlikely that I will ever understand. But I guess the good news is that I don't have to. That God has a plan and He understands will be enough for me. That is easier said than done, but I am trying. Everyday I will thank God for giving his son so that one day I will see my son again.
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This blog will chronicle my first year without my son. We had him with us for just a short while. I'm creating this blog with a heavy heart and I'm hoping by the end of this first year I will have a little peace.
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