I'll start by saying Juliana had a good birthday. She is super excited to finally be in the double digits she says. I thank God that we have a happy, healthy Juls.
But as selfish as it sounds I keep thinking of our Zavier and all the birthdays we will never get to celebrate with him. For me, Juls birthday has always meant that the holidays are near. Halloween is right around the corner, then Thanksgiving and before you know it Christmas. It seems that our boy was just here to visit for the holiday season and then left us so suddenly.
I am not ready for the holidays. I don't feel like celebrating. I want, more than ever, to hide in a dark room and cry and scream and laugh hysterically until I no longer have a voice as if somehow that will magically bring Zavier back to us.
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But right now, all I can say is "Lord, how long before you come and take away this aching?"
ReplyDeleteThis night of weeping seems to have no end.
But when the morning light breaks through,
We'll open up our eyes and we will see...
It's everything that He said that it would be
And even better than we would believe...