Sunday, October 31, 2010

Day 296

The days continue to fly by too quickly. Too many days have passed since I last heard my baby boy laugh, saw him smile and held him in my arms. I want the world to stop more than ever before. I want to hibernate through the holidays.

It seems Zavier was here with us just for the holidays. He should be running around in whatever crazy costume his big sister and daddy would have come up with for him. I can't be happy through the holidays and truth be told I don't want to be. I want to sit and sulk and cry and scream and miss my baby.

2 comments:

  1. This past Sunday (Halloween night) we received a wrist band from a home Jaycreek Dr., down the road from my dad’s house.
    After looking up TeamZavier.com I found your blog and cant tell you how my heart hurts for you. I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so that I can go home and hug my son a little tighter.
    I know you have a project in memory of your son and if you ever need volunteers or help with anything please feel free to ask (lbarron@supstl.com).
    I will also wear his wrist band and continue to share your story with others..
    Again thanks for sharing your life with me.

    Leslie Barron

    ReplyDelete
  2. I also saw that you like music.. here is a song by Natalie Grant that I love and I think you will too.
    If you haven’t heard it yet, it is beautiful!

    Two months is too little
    They let him go
    They had no sudden healing
    To think that providence
    Would take a child from his mother
    While she prays, is appalling
    Who told us we'd be rescued
    What has changed and
    Why should we be saved from nightmares
    Were asking why this happens to us
    Who have died to live, it's unfair
    This is what it means to be held
    How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
    And you survive
    This is what it is to be loved and to know
    That the promise was that when everything fell
    We'd be held
    This hand is bitterness
    We want to taste it and
    Let the hatred numb our sorrows
    The wise hand opens slowly
    To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
    This is what it means to be held
    How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
    And you survive
    This is what it is to be loved and to know
    That the promise was that when everything fell
    We'd be held
    If hope if born of suffering
    If this is only the beginning
    Can we not wait, for one hour
    Watching for our savior
    This is what it means to be held
    How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
    And you survive
    This is what it is to be loved and to know
    That the promise was that when everything fell
    We'd be held

    ReplyDelete