It's been a rough week. And I'm not sure exactly why. Maybe because I can't help but remember the horrorible realizations we faced during these few weeks last year. I feel like I'm regressing. I can't seem to stop the tears this week.
For some reason I was counting on things being so much easier after this first year. But, I guess it really is about a Lifetime Without Zavier rather than A Year. Earlier this evening the house was quiet with Felix in the garage and Juls at a friend's house. Suddenly, I felt so lonely for Zavier. I missed Zavier so much right then. It just felt so much like he should be here for me to look after. Like, I'm not supposed to be alone. Selfish, I know.
Last year was about so much heartache, so many tears, a physically and emotionally draining year. I want this year to be about recovery, about faith and hope and belief, about love and smiles and the laughter that used to fill this house.
Some broken things can never again be made whole but broken things can still be beautiful.
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This blog will chronicle my first year without my son. We had him with us for just a short while. I'm creating this blog with a heavy heart and I'm hoping by the end of this first year I will have a little peace.
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