Day 16

It's been a long day. My parents were here this weekend. It is always sad to see them leave.

I am still searching for whatever it is that will give me just a brief reprieve. This morning was difficult as usual. I was in Zavier's room, looking at pictures and just wanting to feel him near me. As the saddness overtook me and tears came to my eyes, my husband came in looking for me. I walked out of Zavier's room with that sinking feeling that now seems to be a part of me.

I sat on the sofa in the living room. My husband called my attention to a spot on our bedroom door where the sun was shining. I looked up and to my utter amazement saw a shiny 'Z'. Felix says that was Zavier letting us know that he is ok and that it is ok to be happy and to relax a little.

Does this officially make us crazy? Who knows...But, it did make me feel a little better.

I went to watch a movie today, with my sister. Never very many babies in a theatre, I thought. Ironically, we always took Zavi to late-night movies, when we were fairly certain he'd sleep through the whole thing. It usually worked out well. The midnight showing of New Moon is the first movie we saw as a family of four. I love movies and have always found it easy to become engrossed in the film. Today, it seemed there were babies in too many previews. One of the first previews shouted "Here Come the Babies" in huge letters. What is up with that?

Is this my new normal?