Day 230

It was so easy, when our situation was so new to us, to think "Why me, why us?". So many times I've thought "God, I wish it wasn't me standing in these shoes".

Now, seven months later, I can't help but think "Why not me, why not us?". Bad things happen and they can happen to anyone. What ever possessed me to think that this shoudln't be happening to me? It's not about whether I deserved it or not. I don't think I'll ever be sure what it is all about. Sure, there are things I could've done differently. Other choices I could've made. But it's too late now. There is no going back.

Zavier is still here, but he's not. There is no amount of good that can come of this that will be worth my son's life. Still, I will keep Zavier's memory alive in the most honorable ways I can. Because he was here and he matters. He was a son, brother, grandson, nephew, great-grandson and cousin.

When it's all said and done, none of us are any better than anyone else. None of us are above tragedy.

I still wish it wasn't me. I wish it wasn't my son that was taken so suddenly...but I don't wish it was anyone else either.