Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Day 320

The happy holidays are hard to face when such an important part of my family, of my life, of my very heart is not here to share it with us. I've heard it said that when you dread the holidays the anticipation of the day is worse than the actual day. I'm not sure it's the actual day that I'm dreading.

As it becomes evident that the holiday season is indeed upon us, I realize that it is the season I dread this year. It is so hard for me to get excited about the holidays or even to find that old holiday spirit. I catch glimpses of Christmas decorations and listen to plans for Thanksgiving celebrations. I know I have plenty to be thankful for but I am not thankful that my baby boy is not here. I don't feel grateful that my family is not together. Last year, we had so much to look forward to or so we thought. And now, this year I am taking a tiny Christmas tree to the cemetary instead of sitting my boy in front of the tree for pictures and presents.

I am asking the Lord to please help me to keep the bitterness from stealing away my heart this holiday season.

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